What I Wish I'd Known Then
This is the third installment of our adoption blog. There are so many different angles that the adoption process entails. The child, the agency, parents and siblings in terms of adopters and biological. It takes deep understanding of the whole adopted child and a life time of learning to fully master the process. Even then, we are human and perfection is not yet attainable so doing the best we can with the knowledge we have is what is going to make a successful family. Our guest contributor is Sarah.
"My view on adoption has evolved a lot over the twelve years our son has been part of our family. I was very naive about the complexities of adoption—I was lost in the butterflies and rainbows of it all for several years. More recently I’ve had wonderful opportunities to learn from adult adoptees about their thoughts, feelings and experiences. I’ve listened to birth mothers share their life experiences and heart wrenching choices. I’ve seen with my own eyes the trauma that is experienced by adopted children, even if for no other reason than separation at birth from their first mother. I’m currently watching my son process how he came to be part of our family and the worry and angst he feels over the not knowing and unanswered questions. Is his birth mother alive? Happy? Does he have siblings?"
"I now know that adoption is complex. It is beautiful. It is painful. It is complicated."
"I would not change having our son join our family. We love him dearly and he’s an integral part of our family. I would change my lack of awareness. I would educate myself by listening to the voices of the full triad, and adoptees in particular. I would learn about trans-racial adoption and the complexities involved. I would educate myself on adoption trauma and attachment. I would be more knowledgeable about what ethical adoption looks like."
When we know better we do better. Jody Cantrell Dyer, (The Eye of Adoption: The True Story of My Turbulent Wait for a Baby) has said,“No one 'just adopts'.” Take the much needed time to continuously educate yourself and your family on all aspects of adoption. A child's well being and growth depends on what you and your family know.
Love Much,
Heather
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